More OPENness

talking about sergio's pre shot routine

"he was really taking his time. gripping and gripping and milking his club"

She's OPEN to stroking

us open commentator (female i might add): "due to this moisture you can really feel confident about stroking aggressively."

Printer? I barely know 'er.

co worker: is the printer dying?
me: it's just not used to handling this sized load
TWSS

Milfs!

MANILA, Philippines - Air Force attack planes pounded yesterday the position of Moro Islamic Liberation Front (MILF) rebels in Guindulungan, Maguindanao, as fighting between government troops and guerrillas entered its fourth day, a military spokesman reported.

Air Force Pounds MILF Lairs with Rockets

TWSS

me: and you spoke to him about it?
Annhog: i asked him if he was open to it and he said he was open to anything

twss

In such a good way

me: yea, im pumped its over
work still going well?
Sent at 10:42 AM on Wednesday
Ann: it is, yes
it's kind of hard
but in a good way

TWSS

Dip in your mouth

Michael Kay, Yankees commentator talking about how major leaguers shouldn't chew tobacco bc impressionable kids watch the games. As they are throwing it to commercial, they zero in on Rays outfielder BJ Upton who has a dip in and Kay says:
"Take it out of your mouth, BJ!"

TWSS

Taming the Python

While watching national geographic, my friend blurted out: I'm a snake charmer.

TWSS

From the back

"For the record I wasnt talking to anyone on the phone last time I was rear ended" ~ my boss
TWSS

Heads up

Host: Please make sure you let me know before you get down to the house.
Guest: I'll make sure to call you before I go down.
TWSS

Finishing

My mom about my arrival to see her and my cousins:
"I just spoke to Nick and he's excited that you're coming!"

TWSS

My Very Randy Johnson

About his 300th:
Big Unit gets #300 without wearing a hat.
(and coming inside a lot)

TWSS

Doesn't get much better than this

More hockey again
Marcy: Everything is a high stick when you are on your knees.

TWSS

Randy, baby

Regarding Randy Johnson (aka Big Unit) going for his 300th win. Blog title is: 300 rain drops (or maybe a few more)
"Big Unit will go for 300, if rain stops"

TWSS

Close calls

Yankee's First baseman Mark Teixeira about getting hit twice in one
game against the Rangers

"There seemed to be balls around my head"

TWSS

Southern Belle

In discussion about last minute travel plans:
"Yeah, my cousin decided to come at the last minute."

TWSS

More hockey

Woody Paige talking about Sidney Crosby deciding to touch the Prince
of Whales Trophy:
"You can touch it. You can slobber on it."

TWSS

Patience is a virtue

In regards to the computer system i am supposed to be learning:
It could take a week to get it up
TWSS

Soooo meaty

This is the only part of cooking goat that I don’t love — however, I will confess that I think the single most terrifying passage in all of literature is from a lamb recipe in Madame Guinaudeau’s 1958 book “Traditional Moroccan Cooking”: “Make a hole with the point of the knife just above the knee joint of one of the legs between flesh and skin. Blow through the opening until the air gets to the fore legs and makes them stick up.”

TWSS

It really is always about sausage

some lady just came in to my office to talk about the sausage account we're working on
(of course)
"I need to see casey...."
"what about"
"sausage...its all about sausages"
me ~ huge grin
TWSS

Sometimes she's tired after a long day

me: yea so I was contemplating heading out but he sounded pretty drunk so
knew he was going to hit that wall and go home before i got there
Lisa: hahaha
weiner out
me: yea
he sent me a text today "good call on shutting it down, i was fucked up"
Lisa: hahaha
typical
me: yea, when he drinks during the day, theres no shot
Lisa: yeah no more stamina

twss

Playing with my hockey stick

Watching the Stanley Cup Finals:
"I really like that play they're running. You just flip it over and pump it in."

TWSS

Her posture

in reference to a ball you sit on to help ur back:

me: i have a dicks sporting goods near me
maybe ill go get a ball from dicks
Greg: haha
me: there it is
Greg: twss

Getting into it

me: i like it
yeah we can discuss some later
Sent at 11:30 AM on Friday
Tommy: haha nah nah i'll give it til noon if u wanna get deep on me
where are we working it together in boston?

TWSS?

Golfing foursome

From deadspin:

"[n]ot even a fancy facelift to the Grand Dame aimed at bringing her defenses up to date could prevent some very familiar suitors from having their way in the first round of the Crowne Plaza Invitational."

TWSS?

More positions

my roommate just told me i have to stay on top of her
TWSS

All you can eat

Co-worker to co-worker when discussing the Wendy's menu:

CW1 "what does 3 dollars get me?"
CW2 "about a gallon of frostee."

TWSS

Mile High Club

From UNITED AIRLINES EMAIL:

Opt to play.
Your legs will be the big winners.
Dear Mr. XXX,
Play the "5 Inch Difference" game for a chance to enjoy extra legroom for an entire year with United's Economy Plus® annual option.

TWSS

How's your throat?

Friend who tried to finish a bunch of food in his mouth and wash it down with a swig of beer--all of which clearly hurt his throat on the way down.
"Oh man... i just swallowed hard."

TWSS

Over her head?

Pretty sure nobody will know what you are talking about, but while studying for the CFA I came across this little gem:

"If spot and forward quotes are in currency A per unit of currency B, then currency A should go on top and currency B should go on bottom"
Exchange Rate TWSS

Positions, Positions

An author was discussing two different photos to use on the back of her book. Choosing between two, one in which she was facing the camera, and one in which she was looking over her shoulder, back towards the camera. She very seriously looked up from the two and said to the entire meeting:

"I just really love it from behind."

TWSS

BaseBalls

Pitcher commenting on his throwing that night:

"It felt great even though it was 5 inches inside"

TWSS

In-box

Great to see you using my submissions!!
I'll try and keep 'em coming.
TWSS

Easy does it

Two women discussing one's Memorial Day trip out to Long Island--and the excess of traffic.

"Oh, it was so great being out there. I forgot how nice it is this time of year."
"Did you hit a lot of traffic on your way out?"
"Actually, no. It was smooth and painless."

TWSS

EnGAGment

A girl in my office just got engaged and all of the other women are far too excited, talking about the wedding and ring nonstop. Then one drops this about the ring:

"I'm, like, staring at... it's so big!"

TWSS

Go meat!

Click to watch Hillshire Farm meat loving video.

TWSS

Sword vs. Pen

Talking to Gabe about writing with a felt tip pen:

"This thing sucks, the tip is dried out."

She NEVER says that!

She never blacks out

Girl in grocery store:

"I always remember what I eat when I'm drunk"

TWSS

Tough decision

Anonymous Professor: Once a student scheduled some office time with me on a Saturday. Weird, but not a big deal. She comes in, wearing a dress. I tell her to sit down. She shuts the door. Turns around, looks me dead in the eye, drops her dress to the floor and says, "Fuck me Dr. XXXX." As a respectable member of the faculty, I politely declined. But it was the hardest thing in the world.

TWSS

Just add some special sauce

My mother discussing the eating habits of our dog, Colleen, on the phone with our vet:

I don't want Colleen to come to expect gravy in her food every single time, because I don't want her to decide some day that she is never going to eat if it's not there. If she has only eaten a small part of her meal for 2-3 meals in a row, I'll add savory sauce, and she'll eat it up right away.

TWSS

Cream of Beer

Cream of Wheat, Brooklyn Weisse Beer review

"Due to the difficulty involved in bottling yeasty, unfiltered wheat beers, it’s taken Brooklyn Brewery seven years to get Brooklyner Weisse Beer anywhere but barroom taps. But it’s now in your local grocery, and the timing couldn’t be better for this suddenly sultry summer. Fresh and sharp, and nicely balanced between slightly sweet and tangy, with characteristic hints of clove, banana, and a little caramel, it goes down smoothly on its own."

TWSS

Yummy toppings

My friend at UConn talking about pizza

Mary: I am not a fan of sausage...

She never says that.

Dirty Bird

Pittsburgh Penguins fan: "You gotta get deeper"

TWSS

Craftsman

Deep man's voice:

"Logic says you can't pound a nail when you can't swing a hammer.....so much for logic. The craftsman auto hammer. The hammer that goes where other hammers can't. Driving home nails with the touch of a button. Innovation, better value, Craftsman. Trust in your hands."

TWHS

That's What HE Said

royal bank of scotland employee, referring to making loans for green retrofit programs etc:
"we don't do that much work in that market, but we dabble and, usually when we dabble, we tend to get in a helluva lot deeper"

TWHS

Deli counter

i'm at the grocery story and i'm getting some cold cuts from the deli. after the butcher weighs the meats, he tries to print the label with the price on it from the machine, and it won't print out. In deep frustration he looks up at me and says, "this fucking thing! everytime it spits it out and then sucks it right back in!"

TWSS

Gone fishin

Chloe: so I got back from lunch and Trevor was like "whatd you have?" because im endlessly talking about how excited I am for lunch
and I was like "tuna on a wrap"
"oh, mediocre"
"no no no, you haven't tasted my tuna fish"

TWSS

Quickie

Gabers: yeah, kelly and matt
but more importantly how is the job hunt going?
have you interviewed anywhere else?
me: na, trying to get past CFA
oh they're making it to the brook?
Gabers: yeah for saturday
then they have steffis graduation
me: ah, maybe ill come up on saturday
Gabers: i mean friday
me: oh theyre going friday?
Gabers: matt always does quick one nighters
me: twss

Packing

Sitting at home while roommate is packing for vacation to Colombia...

Laura: Try to think of something I may have forgotten.
Ryan: A book? Passport? Ipod?
Laura: Got them.
Ryan: Oh - ziplock bags? Are you checking a bag?
Laura: My liquids are too big to go through, even with a ziplock.

TWSS

TMI

Female coworker #1 [rubbing her neck]: Night!
Female coworker #2 approaching: Night! Hey, you sore?
Female coworker #1: Ugh, so tight.

TWSS

Like a Champ

Competitive eating gets... awesome? From the Seattle Times:

I jam my spoon into the half-gallon tub, shoveling a ridiculously large amount of creamy vanilla ice cream into my mouth. No time to chew, I think, as it drips down my chin. No time. Just swallow.

TWSS

Are those headphones in your pocket, or...?

Even PC World is in on the action:

Bullet #5:• Keep the device in your pocket as much as possible, as rubbing it "on certain materials" too much can cause a charge to build up.

TWSS

Sometimes she wants more

Apparently this one night of Shakespeare in the Park got pretty wild. But, just not wild enough.

Eustis warned that the fun might stop at any moment, either if it started raining again or at 1 a.m. It rained again, but Eustis and the crazy Public kids were too busy dancing in puddles to pull the plug. We thought it was the best opening party we'd ever been to, but Eustis disagreed. “Could have been wetter."

TWSS

Grillin with a Milf

We were grilling at ****'s and his dad came down and said, "Do you think I can trouble you guys for an Italian sausage for my wife, she hasn't had one in a while"
and he's Italian.

TWSS

Preparation is key

"The show starts at 7, you guys are definitely welcome to join. Just let me know when you're going to come."

TWSS

TWSS vs Things She'd Never Do

Oh, NYT... this article was clearly written for TWSS

The Komodo dragon is already a terrifying beast (TWSS). Measuring up to 10 feet long, it is the world’s largest lizard (Doubly TWSS!). It delivers a devastating bite with its long, serrated teeth(She'd Never Do That!)...

Sometimes the victim immediately falls, and the lizards can finish it off (TWSS!)...

As mucus drooled out of [its] mouth, he used a test tube on a pole to collect it (TWSS!).

Surprisingly delicious

Even Travel & Leisure is getting in on things!

Check out this review of A Fuego Negro Restaurant in San Sebastián, Spain

The dramatic stark-black design is a refreshing departure from the woody cubbyhole look of traditional pintxo bars (TWSS)...The trio of twentysomething owners, veterans of some of the best kitchens in town, are heavily into global hip-hop culture; "Black Fire" is the bar’s name translated.(Black fire indeed!)...“The very first thing I put in my mouth exploded. There was a series of explosions, in fact, disorienting and strangely delicious, taking place as I swallowed a melon ball filled with sheep’s-milk cheese and…Pop Rocks? ...”

TWSS!!

Classic TWSS

Click here to enjoy classic TWSSs

Even in this economy...

From The New York Times

Many American critics of the plan unveiled Tuesday by Treasury Secretary Timothy F. Geithner said the plan lacked details. Experts on Japan found it timid — especially given the size of the banking crisis the administration faces.

“I think they know how big it is, but they don’t want to say how big it is. It’s so big they can’t acknowledge it.”

TWSS

"Wait, wait, so at Madris Gras, I don't understand, you just go to bars all day and night?"

"No, so they have these parades, which are big long things, with giant balls at the end of them"

TWSS

FAILBLOG TWSS


see more Fail Blog

Keep it clean

"I'm shaved too."

male coworker commenting on other male coworkers recently clean shaven face.

TWSS

Horseback style

So when we were in Chile, we went horseback riding and one of the women in the group didn't like the horse she had been assigned. I was next to her. I asked her what the problem was. "He wants me to do things that i dont want to do."

TWSS

CELEBRITY TWSS:

Alex Trebek [at Tom Hanks]: We can't keep playing if you don't let go of the pickle.

Sean Connery: That's what your mother said last night.
Watch it here

kneepads

"my knees hurt"

guy standing up after crouching for photo

TWSS

let it rain

"i'm soaking" chick who just came inside lobby after rainstorm. TWSS

Watermelon

"I can't get my mouth around it" girl trying to eat watermelon in park. TWSS.

to the last drop

"I always finish, even if it's warm." Before a waitress took away the last of her beer--TWSS